Q: What's the best way to find out if a woman's in a persistent vegetative state?

A) Give her an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) scan.
B) Give her a PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan.
C) Whack her right between the eyes so she moans in pain.

If you guessed C, congratulations! You are qualified to be an expert witness against Terri Schiavo, according to Fr. Robert Johansen's searing exposé in today's National Review Online. Who needs costly and accurate medical tests when you can get the information you want with one well-placed whack?

Remember, Terri has already had significant damage to her head. Yet that's where Dr. Ronald Cranford, an expert hired by her husband Michael—who wants to have her killed—chose to hit her, writes Johansen:

In Cranford’s examination, described by one witness as “brutal,” he discounted evidence under his own eyes of Terri’s responsiveness. At one point, Dr. Cranford struck Terri very hard on the forehead between her eyes. Terri recoiled and moaned, seemingly in pain. In his court testimony, Cranford dismissed the reaction and moan as a “reflex.”