If you have 10 minutes to spare and need some smiles, this video comes courtesy recommended by Saint Kansas, my thrillofthechaste.com webmaster. It's Hero, the 4-year-old winner of a South Korean TV wunderkind competition, offering a spirited rendition of a Beatles classic.
[Keeping this uptop for now; scroll down for a newer post.]
I am sad to hear that Dave Clark Five singer and songwriter Mike Smith has died at 64.
The night I saw Smith live and was unexpectedly called to join him onstage in March 2003 (right) was one of the most joyful times of my life. The story is in the Dawn Patrol archives.
I got word the other day that I will be speaking at Oakland University and also Our Lady of Refuge on March 13, both near Detroit. Am waiting to learn if the public is invited—will post details as I receive them. It will be my first time ever in Michigan—yay!
Co-worker: That's great that you're going on the "Today" show. Remember Gore Vidal's advice. He said, "I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."
Me: Well, I guess in my case, one out of two isn't bad.
An article and fascinating photos on the New York Times Web site marks the 100th anniversary of the PATH train that took me home every night from my newspaper job when I was living in Hoboken and writing my book. Celebrate by revisiting my Chesterton-inspired "PATHs of Glory" article as it appeared in Hoboken's own Hudson Reporter (edited by my friend and former Tuesday Night Trivia co-host Caren Lissner), which later appeared in a revised version in The Thrill.
Thanks to Kevin Walsh for the tip on the Times piece.
UPDATED: The Times they are a chaste-ing (again!)>
I wrote earlier in this space about Gail Hollenbeck's great profile of me in the St. Petersburg Times. Today, I'm delighted that the Times has published it again, in a different edition correcting the information about my next book and the date of my Spring Hill, Fla., talk (which is this Friday). The new online version of the story also includes the photo by Kristina J. Grabosky that graced the print edition.
The story originally called the title Practical Advice for Chaste Dating; that was actually my description of the book, not the title. (I'm currently leaning towards Good Lovin' — accent on "Good.")
As I wrote earlier, between this and the stories in Indianapolis' Criterion and the Florida Catholic, this has really been a wonderful week for press on The Thrill of the Chaste (or, if you read Spanish, La aventura de la castidad. I am constantly amazed and thankful to see that the book continues to touch people more than a year after its release.
Which reminds me — it has been a while since my book came out, hasn't it? With that in mind, I'm very thankful to announce that Inside Catholic has asked me to write a monthly column beginning in March, which I am planning to use, in part, to jumpstart my already-begun work on The Thrill's sequel.
And speaking of sequels, very nice to see that the current edition of Inside Catholic features my friend John Zmirak's sequel to his and Denise Matychowiak's Bad Catholic's Guide to Good Living. Although I don't share John's obsession with gourmet food and drink, his article comparing disordered sexual activity with eating disorders provided me with a good quote to use in The Thrill.
Thought I'd share an excerpt of The Thrill of the Chaste today. The following is from Chapter 1, "Not the Same Old Song." Incidentally, since moving to the Washington, D.C., area, I have neither been able to locate Cheez Doodles nor an acceptable fat-free bran-muffin alternative. Currently the devil on my shoulder tries to get me to eat peanut-butter M&Ms and the angel tries to get me to opt for a Trader Joe's blood orange. With no further ado, from my book:
All my adult life, I've struggled with my weight. When I'm walking home at the end of the day, there's nothing I want more than a bag of Cheez Doodles or malted-milk balls. If I'm trying to slim down—which is most of the time—it's hard, really hard, to think of why I can't have what I'm craving.
The little devil on my left shoulder is saying, "Get the Cheez Doodles. You'll be satisfied, and you won't gain weight. Even if you do gain, it'll be less than a pound—you can lose it the next day."
And you know what? He's right. If I look at it in a vacuum, one indiscretion is not going to do any damage that can't be undone.
Then the little angel on my right shoulder speaks up. "Uh-uh. If you buy those Cheez Doodles, you know what's going to happen."
"I'll get orange fingerprints on the pages of the novel I'm reading tonight?" I reply.
The angel lets that one go by. "You'll buy them again tomorrow night," he nags. "And the next night.
"Remember what happened during the fall of your freshman year of high school," the angel goes on, "when the student clubs held after-school bake sales every day? Remember how you discovered that if you waited around long enough, all the goodies would be discounted 'til you could get five Toll House cookies for a quarter?"
"Please—" I groan. I know where this is going. The devil on my left shoulder is pulling my hair in the direction of the snack-foods aisle.
"And remember," the angel continues, smelling victory, "how your jeans kept getting tighter and tighter? And you had to—"
"I know," I say, exasperatedly.
"You had to lie down to zip them up," he says triumphantly. "Finally, one by one, you busted the fly on every pair of jeans you owned."
By that point, the devil has usually fled, and I am left looking for a nice, dry, fat-free, high-fiber bran muffin. But I am not happy. Quite the contrary—I feel deprived.
That's how I used to feel before I understood the meaning of chastity—when I was following friends' and relatives' advice to "stop looking." I knew some of the negative reasons for forgoing dates with men who were out for casual sex—such encounters would make me feel used and leave me lonelier than before—but I lacked positive reasons.
To lose weight without feeling deprived takes more than just listening to the warnings of the angel on my shoulder. It takes a positive vision. I have to imagine how I'll look and feel far into the future—not just tomorrow, but tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I have to widen my perspective and see the cumulative effect of temptation: every time I give in, it wears down my resistance, but every time I resist, I grow stronger.
The tomorrow principle requires that vision to be able to see how chastity will help me become the strong, sensitive, confident woman I so long to be. I hate acting out of desperation, feeling as if I have to give of myself physically because it's the only way to reach a man emotionally. And I hate feeling so lonely that I have to take caresses and kisses from a man who essentially views me as a piece of meat—a rare and attractive piece of meat, deserving of the highest respect, but meat nonetheless. I long with all my heart to be able to look beyond my immediate desires, conducting myself with the grace and wisdom that will ultimately bring me fulfillment not just for a night, but for a lifetime.
Get The Thrill live at one of my upcoming appearances in Florida, South Carolina, Notre Dame, and beyond.
Kansas D.A. scores victory in Planned Parenthood case
American Papist has the story. Glad a grand jury understands that the "right to privacy" created in Roe vs. Wade does not give Planned Parenthood the right to privacy from investigations of whether it broke the law.
Reader Jim writes that his parish priest, Father Jim Nibler of St. Peter Catholic Church in Newberg, Ore., the priest's brother, Lawrence, and a friend died in a boating accident yesterday. Please pray for the victims and their families, and for Father Jim's parish family.
Father Nibler "was my RCIA guy, confessor and one of two priests that I ever received the Eucharist from," Jim writes. "I feel selfish; he was responsible to so many. Please pray for our parish."
Many thanks to Sean Gallagher of the Archdiocese of Indianapolis' Criterion for his great story on my recent appearance at Holy Name of Jesus Church.
Gallagher writes:
As Eden grew in her faith, her eyes were opened to how rebellious chastity truly is in a culture where freedom is understood as “freedom from responsibility,” and where “there [is] nothing sacred about marriage and nothing sacred about sex.”
She learned that chastity, as a lifestyle, applies to a person’s wholeness—to body, mind and soul. It is relevant for all people—to those who are single, married or living lives of consecrated celibacy.
“We’re not talking about a ‘one size fits all,’ ‘Just do it’ or ‘Just don’t do it’ kind of philosophy,” Eden said. “Being chaste is a requirement for growing in your relationship with God.”
She also came to learn that living a chaste lifestyle is the groundwork upon which strong relationships with other people are built. This was the exact opposite of her previous assumption that having sex would bring her closer to the man she might want to marry later.
“I realized for the first time that all the sex I ever had, far from bringing me closer to marriage, had actually taken me further away from even being able to sustain a relationship that would lead to marriage.”
Eden said that this was the case because “you can’t seek permanence through impermanence.”
She said her sexual relationships had no ultimate commitment and, beyond that, involved her and her partners using each other for their own ends.
They were not relationships based on the fundamental principle of chastity: that sexual choices should be based on the belief that every person is created in the image of God.
“The sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s and their ideological children tout the supposed joys of sexual ‘freedom,’ ” Eden said. “But how does the freedom to use or be used, to separate emotions from sex and sex from commitment, make one truly free?
“True sexual freedom, like all freedom, can exist only when the dignity of the human person is recognized.”
Read the whole thing. You can also listen to the talk I gave at Holy Name via the church's Web site — click on the "Dawn Eden" link in the upper-right hand corner of the page.
2:23 PM |
Tour of the chaste coming to Florida, Charleston, Notre Dame, and beyond
Here are the latest. So happy to be touring the South during the winter! As mentioned earlier, my Florida talk has gotten some pre-publicity via an interview in the Florida Catholic. Tomorrow, the St. Petersburg Times is scheduled to run an interview as well.
February 29
St. Frances Cabrini Catholic Church young-adult dinner, Spring Hill, Fla., 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $15 for singles; $20 for couples, and may be purchased after the Feb. 17 and Feb. 24 Masses, at the door or by e-mail.
March 6
Book signing, Daughters of St. Paul bookstore, 243 King St, Charleston, S.C., 3-5 p.m.
Talk on "The Thrill of the Chaste," Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, Charleston, S.C., 7 p.m., free. Sponsored by the diocesan Family Life Office and hosted by the Society of Our Lady of Joyful Hope.
"One way to make enemies and antagonize people is to challenge the spirit of the world. The world has a spirit, as each age has a spirit. There are certain unanalyzed assumptions which govern the conduct of the world. Anyone who challenges these worldly maxims, such as, 'you only live once,' 'get as much out of life as you can,' 'who will ever know about it?' 'what is sex for if not for pleasure?' is bound to make himself unpopular. ...
"To marry one age is to be a widow in the next. Because [Jesus] suited no age, He was the model for all ages."
Just found one of my all-time favorite songs on YouTube — the Dave Rave Group's "Weight of the World," recorded in 1989.
The track captures the sense of unfulfilled longing that I experienced before discovering the thrill of the chaste. It's all the more poignant because its melody and arrangement are so upbeat and hopeful. Listening to it now takes me back to that place. It feels like a sort of Lenten mortification.
The video itself is delightful — shot in Russia in 1990, where the band, made up of Canadians and New Yorkers, somehow got a Melodiya record deal without having a contract in North America. It all started about two years earlier, when I took Rave and fellow band member Gary Pig Gold into a Russian-owned record store in the East Village.
What's going on: EWTN Radio tonight, Charleston & N.C. next month
A few quick notes:
Tonight, I will be a guest on EWTN Radio's "Next Wave Live" from 9-10 p.m. EST. Listen online on EWTN Radio's Web site (click on “Listen Live”). On the same site, you can also find an EWTN Radio affiliate listing in your area. The show is also on Sirius Channel 160. It will encore Saturday night at 10 p.m. EST.
I am delighted to announce that I am giving a talk on The Thrill of the Chaste on the evening of March 6 at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Charleston, S.C., sponsored by the diocesan Family Life office, and will also be doing a book signing at the local Daughters of St. Paul bookstore that afternoon. Will post details tonight.
Last, today is the last day to register for the Church of the Holy Communion's Parish Lent Retreat in Henderson, N.C., March 7-9, at which I will be a featured speaker. The Episcopal church is known for its Anglo-Catholic practice, and the retreat sounds like it is going to be a beautiful opportunity for Lenten contemplation and fellowship. If you are interested, contact Holy Communion today via its Web site.
If lux could thrill Giving Sex Week a chaste kiss-off
On Monday, one day after my appearance at the Sex Week at Yale panel on "Sex and Spirituality," I had the opportunity to make the case for chastity with a lecture in the university's WLH building, sponsored by three Christian groups: Yale Christian Fellowship (affiliated with InterVarsity), Yale Students for Christ, and the Veritas Forum.
Meanwhile, in the room a few doors down where the previous night's panel had taken place, the last official guest-speaker event of Sex Week was taking place as David Johnson, group product manager for Trojan Condoms, lectured on "Evolve: America's sexual health problem and what Trojan's doing about it" — "featuring Trojan Condom and vibrating ring giveaways," according to the Sex Week schedule.
The turnout for my talk was modest — about 30 — but I was heartened to see that more students were there than had attended the heavily hyped "Sex and Spirituality" panel (not counting the Sex Week staff who turned up for their own event).
Since my talk at Georgetown a few days earlier had gone so well, and since I figured that the Yale students were in a similar position as those at Georgetown in terms of needing support to buck a campus culture hostile to chastity, I adapted the talk I had delivered at the Washington, D.C., university, adding a few items relevant to Sex Week.
One point that resonated especially strongly with the students was when I repeated what I had said the previous evening about the most glaring omission in Sex Week's roster of speakers: a married couple, especially one with children. After all, I said, most Yale students, regardless of their religious faith or lack of faith, were going to be married one day — a good number, in fact, were already married — and most of those who married would have children. If college is supposed to prepare students for the rest of their lives, then it made no sense to have an entire week devoted to "sex education" without any lecture focusing on the areas of their lives in which sex would play the most important role: marriage and parenthood.
Many heads nodded as I made that observation.
Another point the students seemed to especially appreciate was during the Q&A, when a student asked me how chastity could be viewed in relation to feminism.
I observed that the original leaders of the suffragist movement held traditional values with regard to sexual morality, and I admitted that I had personally benefited from achievements of the women's movement with regard to workplace equity. It was unfortunate, then, that the feminist movement had become inextricably linked with the movement for a sexual "freedom" that was in fact "utilitarianism" — a "freedom without responsibilities" that is, as John Paul II said in his "Letter to Families," "the opposite of love."
The Pope's choice of words was misleading, because this "feminism" had nothing to do with Gloria Steinem. Rather, I said, it was based on the concept that we express our sexual identity as men or women in the most authentic way when we are virtuous.
That is reassuring to me, I said, because it means I don't have to "try" to be feminine. It says that the meaning of femininity is not hearts and flowers and lace and shyness and giggling. Whatever I do that is virtuous, I do through the body in which I was created, as a woman. That body gives all my actions a uniquely feminine character, and makes them most creative, most powerful, and most feminine when they express virtue.
I added that, according to the same papal letter, certain ways in which women, by nature of their physicality, express virtue are meant as an example for men. Women are built for receptivity — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — and so they are called to show the world in a unique way what it means to be loved by God. That is, they can receive God's love in a way unique to their sex, and their sex likewise enables them to uniquely express that love.
It was beautiful to see the way some of the students' eyes shone when I said that.
* * *
One pleasant surprise of the evening was that Sex Week founder Eric Rubenstein was there from the start despite his own event's going on in the other room — and he stayed for my entire talk and Q&A. Since our interactions at the "Sex and Spirituality" panel had been heated on both sides (and I do regret having erupted at him and current Sex Week director Joe Citarrella during the event), it was with some surprise that I saw how gracious and genuinely interested he was. He spoke with me and Yale Christian Fellowship campus minister Greg Hendrickson afterwards and solicited our advice on how to make the next Sex Week more balanced.
* * *
After the Q&A, several students came up to thank me, and many of them gave their e-mail addresses to Hendrickson, who invited them to attend a luncheon later in the week where they could discuss the topics I had raised. As with Georgetown, it was extremely gratifying for me to see the students enjoy a new sense of fellowship with one another, as they realized they were not the only ones interested in living chastely.
Thanks so much to Greg, Sex Week's Citarella, and everyone who made my trip possible. It is a real blessing to share "The Thrill" with students who long for more than what their campus culture offers them.
UPDATED WITH RESPONSE: '30 Day Sex Challenge' church gets The Thrill
A worship community in Florida with the self-conscious name Relevant Church is making international news with its "30 Day Sex Challenge," a program in which participating couples commit to having sex every day for 30 days while singles commit to abstaining for the same duration.
The guide for the challenge, available for download from the church's blog, recommends two books to singles participating in the challenge, one about marriage and one about chastity. And so it was with some surprise that I learned today from a friend who downloaded the guide that The Thrill of the Chaste is the official chastity guide for singles doing the 30 days.
I am thrilled and honored that my book is being recommended. At the same time, I find it a bit baffling, because the "30 Day Sex Challenge" guide itself doesn't seem to stress chastity so much as the idea that sexually active singles should stop to clear their heads.
While I do believe it is important to stop and reassess one's behavior, especially if that behavior is not bringing what one wants most in life and love, my book is not just about examining priorities. It is about transcending the superficialities that surround dating in the modern age and learning how to bring divine love not only into a romantic relationship, but every relationship.
Perhaps Relevant Church covers those topics in its Sunday sermons. I hope so, because I don't see that in its challenge's guide.
I also have serious problems with what I perceive as the challenge's subtext that chastity is a sort of punishment for being single or, conversely, that sex is a reward for being married. Again, I would like to think that Relevant does not wish to put forth that subtext, but that is my gut reaction to their campaign as an unmarried woman.
Lauren Winner has pointed out the conflict in some churches that preach abstinence 'til marriage while saying that, after marriage, anything goes. The implication is that the sexual instinct is a kind of demon that can be temporarily bound but never tamed.
Chastity is about the proper integration of sexuality within the person, which includes recognizing the marital relationship as the proper context for sexual intercourse. That context, however, is damaged if sex is brought into it as something to be "had."
Sex can never be separated from an individual. For a married person to commoditize the sexual act as something deserved or not deserved on a given day leads to viewing his or her spouse not as an individual, but as an object.
Married sex, like every aspect of married love, should always be an act of the spouses' free will. The decision when to engage in it should be made between husband and wife — not husband, wife, and pastor.
* * *
As it happens, I'll be practically in Relevant's back yard come Sadie Hawkins Day — Friday, February 29, when I speak at St. Frances Cabrini Parish's young-adult dinner in Spring Hill, Fla. Details are in the current issue of the Florida Catholic, which includes an interview with me by Arleen Spencely (who I think did a great job). Here's a sample:
"Rebellion has always been built around the idea that there's something you aren't being told that's really the most important thing to know," she said. In chastity, she says, she found it.
"The chaste life is far more fulfilling than the unchaste life," she said. "I'm living from a sense of having something rather than a sense of lacking something."
And so far, it's been a liberating experience.
"You see just how much there is to appreciate in other people, in your environment and in everything you've been given," she said. "You're living as you were designed to live."
UPDATE, 4:25 p.m.: Jason Sowell, a pastor at Relevant Church responds —
I am actually a 29-year-old single guy who is doing the teaching for this series from the single perspective. I also work for an abstinence education program here in Tampa that references/recommends your book. I read your book a few months ago and want you to know that I am a big fan of your book and your perspective and descriptions of living singular and the chaste lifestyle. I was very inspired by much of what you had to say, which is why I wanted to reference your book as a source for further study.
Please know, that as a church, we are in total agreement that chastity should be a lifestyle and go beyond a 30-day challenge to a commitment of abstaining from sex until marriage. We are certainly encouraging and teaching that. I also wholeheartedly agree that, as single adults, we should be "transcending the superficialities that surround dating in the modern age and learning how to bring divine love not only into a romantic relationship, but every relationship."
This series is about strengthening intimacy within relationships. As you will see in the guide, for married couples, it is about learning each others deepest emotional needs and working to meet them for each other. Sex is one of the most intimate expressions of love couples can have with each other, when it is in the right context and driven by the right motives. For single adults, it is about learning what your own deepest emotional needs are (I do believe that it is difficult to have healthy relationships and meet other peoples emotional needs in the right way when you don't understand your own). The challenge to abstain for at least 30 days is to hopefully help many single adults recognize that sex in the wrong context may be what is complicating their relationships and continually driving them to unhealthy relationships. ...
... I would also like to hear specifically what in our guide as lead you to some of your thoughts/concerns. I would encourage you to take some time to go on our web site www.relevantchurch.com and listen to/watch our podcast from this past Sunday as we introduced the challenge. I believe that may also clear up some concerns for you.
Thank you so much for writing your book and taking on such a challenging topic in our culture. I'm sure you, better than most, understand how people can misconstrue your message, so thank you for expressing your thoughts in a balanced way. Honestly, this is a series we wanted to do for our congregation and people in our community that may need to better their relationships. We definitely did not expect all of the media attention we are getting and I only hope that what recognition we get leads people to your book, as well as others that are teaching truth, to help them better their relationships with each other and ultimately with God.
Was going to blog about the talk I gave on chastity at Yale, but that will have to wait until I have more time tomorrow. I will say for now that I was pleasantly surprised to find that more students showed up for it than did for the official Sex Week panel the night before — not counting the ones at the panel who were on Sex Week's staff.
"[T]he orders and congregations with a long tradition in the Church [have suffered a] difficult crisis due to the aging of members, a more or less accentuated fall in vocations and, sometimes, a spiritual and charismatic 'weariness.'
"[Today, many young men and women] experience a strong religious and spiritual attraction, but are only willing to listen to and follow those who give coherent witness to their adherence to Christ.
"It is interesting to note that those institutes that have conserved and chosen a state of life that is often austere and faithful to the Gospel lived 'sine glossa' have a wealth of vocations."
"I am endlessly amused by the fact that, to Yale (or at least the Sex Week coordinators -- Dara keeps reminding me that it is not, in fact, a University-run event), 'spirituality' means four New Agers and a Catholic.
"Apparently, 'spirituality' also means a great deal of attention paid to chakras and tantric sex ([Dr. Judy] Kuriansky), 'deeply meaningful' moments of true soul-to-soul connection with much-younger men one never sees again ([Stevie] Jay), love-ins ([Jane] Bernard), and giving away Lust et Veritas g-strings ([Dr. Susan] Block), with a token actually religious person to serve as brunt for random ad hominem attacks. (Least objectionable comment about Christianity from Dr. Block: 'I find Jesus on the cross to be incredibly erotic, half-naked as he is.' Come on -- he's suffering for your sins, because he loves you, and his shirtless torso is the best part?) It was rather jarring to go from a brief characterization of Catholic sex ethics to an enthusiastic description of the 'cosmic' experience that is tantric sex. Apparently, it's all about breathing.
"I spent thirteen years at Quaker school, where chakras and namastes featured much more heavily than papal encyclicals, so I was much more eager to hear about religious takes on romance and sexual ethics. Unfortunately, Sex & Spirituality wasn't about the spiritual consequences of sex, or the ways in which one's religious or spiritual beliefs play into sexual behavior or our (in my opinion, deeply disturbed) sex culture -- except for the few times Dawn Eden managed to get a word in, the discussion was about how having sex (apparently it doesn't matter with whom, as long as you're breathing right) can bring you closer to God."
Sex Week at Yale — less than a day after its organizers offered a backhanded apology for showing a violent sadomasochistic porn film (as opposed to a kind and gentle one) to over 200 students — hosted a "Sex and Spirituality" panel Sunday night where I was the token chastity advocate.
That there was a chastity advocate at all during Sex Week — which was otherwise packed with promotional events for a pornography conglomerate and a sex-toy business — was indeed impressive. For that, credit is due to Yale Christian Fellowship, part of InterVarsity, which invited me to speak, and the co-sponsors it brought in, Yale Students for Christ and the Veritas Forum.
I arrived in a lecture room in the WLH building to find myself alongside sexual storyteller Stevie Jay (who politely corrected me for calling him gay on my blog — he discusses same-sex attraction but eschews labels); pornographer/L.A. "sex speakeasy" owner Susan Block (in feathered hat next to me, left); Planned Parenthood advisory board member Dr. Judy Kuriansky, aggressively promoting her Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantrix Sex, and New Age-y author Jane Bernard, whose book is titled Fine Tuning: Connecting With Your Inner Power. Legendary radio announcer Joey Reynolds (standing, left) moderated.
Bernard (far right) was actually an unexpected instrument of grace for me. Just before the panel began, she showed me her book and invited me to turn to any page.
Though afraid of what I might find, I acceded — and, to my surprise, discovered, in the center of a spread of quotes from the Tao Te Ching and other New Age sources, a verse from Exodus: "I AM that I AM."
It was exactly what I needed to read at that moment — to be reminded that God is.
The audience numbered only 40 or so: about ten members of Yale's Party of the Right, about ten other students, a handful of Sex Week staffers, a student documentary camera crew, Dr. Block's small entourage, my Yale Christian Fellowship sponsor, a reporter for the Ivy League Christian Observer, the formerly homeless bearded neighborhood guy who likes to come to Yale events, and Yale Reform Rabbi James Ponet. (Sex Week director Joe Citarrella had earlier attempted to assuage my fears of an anti-chastity pile-on by telling me Ponet would be on the panel, but the rabbi opted to remain silent on the sidelines.)
I would guess the turnout was light because, seven days in, students were sick of Sex Week; the previous night's film fiasco cast a pall over the event, and, perhaps most of all, the lineup wasn't exactly relevant to the youth of today. Somehow, I don't think college students are all that interested in hearing ossified ex-hippies rhapsodize about the "good old days" of "free love."
For my part, I ain't no spring chicken — I'll be 40 on September 3 — yet I was the youngest person there. Certainly, I was younger than all of Reynolds' Catskills-style jokes, which added an extra layer of vulgarity to the event.
The other panelists' perspectives were varying shades of damaging.
To my right were the ones with visible axes to grind — Block, a lapsed Jew who blasphemed freely (she claims to be aroused by the fact that Christians worship "a man who is bleeding to death"), and Kuriansky (in orange shirt), a self-proclaimed "JewBu" (Jewish Buddhist) who accused Western religions of denying the power of "sacred sex." (That last one would certainly be news to readers of the Pope's writings on erotic love, which I mentioned later in the panel.)
Kuriansky also treated the students to an unadvertised PowerPoint display on tantric sex, complete with step-by-step instructions and photos of copulating couples. I felt very sorry for stuents had come expecting to be assaulted only with words and not images. For them, and for me, it was a kind of rape.
To my left were gentle souls — Bernard, a flower child who reminisced fondly on 1960s orgies, and Jay, who, despite telling a story that I found disturbing (as did a student who walked out), expressed a genuine longing for love that goes beyond sex. Jay (storytelling) also made one of the more profound observations of the evening, saying that in today's relationships, the fig leaf is off the genitals and on the face. (I'm printing that here as proof that I got it from him, because I may well use that in my chastity talks.)
So, I was in the middle, between those who spoke primarily from the spleen and those who spoke primarily from the heart, and I guess I likewise expressed myself in a way that was in between the two perspectives.
Mostly, I spoke from the heart, chiming in about chastity whenever I could, saying, among other things,
For those not called to celibacy, marriage enables us, through self-sacrificing love as Christ's love was for us on the cross, to help one another grow closer to Heaven
There is a component of eros in God's love for us, as Pope Benedict wrote in "Deus Caritas Est," because God loves each of us as though there were only one of us.
(In answer to a student's question about what the panelists would say to two people who were hurt by a sexual relationship:) Repentance and forgiveness are key — both for those who believe in God and for those who do not.
One can and should repent, as in turn away from, actions that are harmful to oneself regardless of whether one has faith. For those who do have faith, it is essential to realize that no matter what we do, God's forgiveness and mercy are always available to us if we repent and turn to Him in all sincerity. Once we repent, we need to forgive ourselves and forgive others as we would want God to forgive us, not holding onto anger.
When the topic of masturbation came up, I brought up a point I discuss in my book The Thrill of the Chaste, saying that, even before I understood it as being sinful, I found it depressing because it creates an oxytocin reaction — releasing the "cuddle hormone" that prepares one for physical companionship, leaving one depressed when that biochemical longing is not filed.
Block and Kuriansky took strenuous exception, with Kuriansky arguing that masturbation in fact takes one "higher and higher and higher."
(A student afterwards told me she found that ludicrous, as the obvious question is what happens when one finally comes down.)
Throughout the event, I did my best to keep my eyes on the audience and my fellow panelists — and not in front of me, where Block had spread out her swag on the seat of a chair, including a "Lux et Veritas" G-string (and, for Jewish students, "Lox et Veritas"), a vibrator (unused, thankfully; it was still in the package), and a calendar and various other items bearing pornographic photos of her.
I also had to stay out of the way of her blue whip (left), which she used as a prop from time to time (though putting it down when I asked her to please be careful with it, as she lashed it only inches from me). Her entire outfit, in fact, save for her white shirt was Yale blue, a point she herself noted, which made me realize for the first time that she was in Marian colors.
I got hot under the collar a couple of times — once, when Block made an uncharitable comment about chastity making "certain people" depressing (I snapped at her to lay off the ad hominems and she complied), and again when Sex Week founder Eric Rubinstein castigated a student in the audience for asking a question he deemed critical of the event.
Here's what happened, as recounted by the student, Nicola:
I asked the panelists if they would address the role of relationships within their frameworks, which seemed to focus (as much of Sex Week does) on sex as an avenue towards nothing higher than pleasure. I wanted someone to talk about the ways in which the hookup culture on college campuses removes sex from the sublime realm in which it ought to reside. I wanted someone to talk about the importance of a loving, trusting relationship for sex. (I don't go as far as Miss Eden -- it is possible to have such a relationship outside of marriage.) Stevie Jay had quoted someone, early on, as saying that Playboy had "taken the fig leaf off the genitals and put it on the face." I've talked before about the disconnect between sex and emotion, and the ways in which Sex Week's valorization of pornography furthers this; I wanted someone to address that from a spiritual, if not religious, perspective.
Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seemed to hear in this was a criticism of Sex Week. The panelists were horrified that I could ask such a question/imply that Sex Week was not about relationships/suggest that the kinds of relationships they were discussing (i.e., the kind where all that matters is what kind of sex you're having, rather than anything emotional) were less worthwhile, etc. They talked over each other, assuring me that Sex Week was, in fact, about virtue and love as well as about sex.
What Nicola doesn't mention is that I used her question as an opportunity to point out that, with the exception of my appearance on the panel, Sex Week notably omitted any respectful discussion of the most obvious context for sex: marriage and children.
Most Yale students, I noted, will get married, and most of them will have children. Some students are already married. If Sex Week were honest about wanting to educate students about sex, I said, it should include at least one married couple, especially one that has children, among its speakers, to help students better understand how to build relationships that will lead them to be loving and faithful spouses.
It was then that Rubinstein and current Sex Week director Joe Citarrella jumped in, as Nicola writes:
When [the panelists] finally quieted down (not having really answered my question), a man from the audience took the stage. He was, apparently, the founder of Sex Week, and thus an alumnus, and he was very, very angry with me. This, he told me, was not the place to question the purpose of Sex Week. I was not to talk about this now -- there was a time for feedback at the end of Sex Week. Moreover (he did not actually use that word), Sex Week was, in fact, about relationships.
"Then why is it sponsored by pornographers?" Dawn Eden asked.
This is a reasonable mistake: Sex Week is sponsored by a sex toy company, not pornographers. The pornographers are merely welcome guests, who have been invited to share their "message." (Their message: "Buy our pornography.")
The planners may be worrying about the Fox News coverage; at any rate, this year's organizer (also in the audience) got angrily to his feet to deny that Sex Week had taken any money at all from the pornographers, and he was tired of Sex Week being attacked, etc. etc. etc.
Actually, what Citarrella said was that pornography manufacturer Vivid had "absorbed the cost" of its participation. It is my understanding that what a sponsor does is, in fact, absorb the cost.
From Vivid's press release issued in advance of Sex Week's "Vivid Day," which took place the day before the "Sex and Spirituality" panel:
The event "will mark the first time Sex Week at Yale has devoted a full day of the week to an adult entertainment company. Vivid is best known for its beautiful contract actresses, or Vivid Girls. Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch has been credited as almost single handedly moving the adult business into the mainstream." ...
Saturday Steven Hirsch, co-founder and co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment, will lecture to graduate students at the Yale School of Management on "The Business of Pornography: How Vivid Made it Mainstream" at 4:30pm. He will chart how the adult industry has developed and where it is headed. At 7:30 pm in the Yale Law School Auditorium Vivid Girl Savanna Samson and Ms. Alexander along with adult film director Paul Thomas (better known as "PT"), present "The Story in X Rated Films/Sex and Context," along with a film screening [the aforementioned violent flick — Ed.] and Q&A with students on how a well constructed script can heighten the eroticism of an adult film. Finally, at 10:30 pm [Sex Week at Yale hosts] the "Skull & Boned Party" at The TOAD. A Vivid DVD will be given to each guest and there will be a contest called "Who Looks Most Like a Vivid Girl" to be judged by PT, Monique Savanna.
That's quite a bit of involvement for a for-profit company that is not a "sponsor."
After a bit more heated backtalk between me and Citarrella, panelist Bernard made peace by saying she understood Nicola's question, and that it was not intended as a slander on Sex Week. Citarrella and Eric then calmed down, as did I, the evening ended with an angry question for me from Dr. Block's husband. Announcing that he was a convert to Judaism from Catholicism, he asked me what I thought of the Pope's supposedly consigning the souls of Jews killed in the Holocaust to Limbo.
I answered in measured tones that, to my knowledge, the Pope had done no such thing. Moderator Reynolds wisely seized the opportunity to thank us all for coming.
* * *
As I walked over to the Yale Christian Fellowship campus minister, Rubinstein engaged me and we somehow got into a discussion of why I had a beef with Vivid's involvement with Sex Week.
I told him that I thought the messages conveyed by the pornography company's participation were damaging. Rubinstein countered that my message was damaging.
When I called that "ridiculous," he asserted that the Catholic Church had done "far more damage" than pornography ever could.
I have to admit that, after all the statements its organizers have made about the supposedly impartial nature of the event, which officially seeks to "raise student awareness of sex, safety, relationships and moral viewpoints," it was something of a relief to finally see the founder reveal Sex Week's true colors.
[Rubinstein showed a different side the following night, when he attended the chastity talk I gave and was very gracious — more on that tomorrow.]
Dr. Block's husband and partner in pornography, Max, then jumped in to rail at me about how he had received a "violent" Catholic upbringing. A Catholic student, who had just introduced herself as a fan of my blog, interrupted him to say she'd had a "peaceful" Catholic upbringing.
At that point, I was pulled away by Stevie Jay, who wanted to explain something he had said earlier to make sure I was not offended. I don't remember what it was about, but it was very kind of him to explain. I wound up giving him a copy of my book, a Miraculous Medal (blessed), and a card containing a Fatima medal with the Prayer of the Angel. Please keep him in your prayers.
I also gave a copy of my book to Block, who requited with her own 10 Commandments of Pleasure. When she assured me that it contained no pornographic photos other than its racy (but not R-rated) cover, I acquiesced. I didn't want to seem rude, as she had already offered me her vibrator three times and I had declined.
* * *
When I returned to the Yale Christian Fellowship campus minister, Dr. Block's husband cornered me again to tell me that he had made it his personal mission to destroy the Church.
"I'll pray for you, Max," I said, and left to have dinner with the campus minister and the Catholic student.
* * *
While I'm very thankful for the opportunity to reach even one person there with a positive message (and, judging at least from Nicola's blog entry, it seems I reached more than one), it was a very draining experience. I'm very, very happy to say that the talk I gave at Yale the following night, sponsored by the Christian groups, went wonderfully, garnering a student response similar to the one I received last week at Georgetown. Will write about it tomorrow night.
Running off to Mass, so am posting a couple of blurry shots from last night's panel; full story and more (hopefully better) pics to arrive later this afternoon.
If you know Joey Reynolds's show, you have an idea of what last night was like. Yale's Reform Jewish chaplain, Rabbi James Ponet, whom an organizer had told me would participate, must have known; he showed up but didn't join the panel.
Stay tuned!
UPDATE: Moved the photos from this post to "Lux be a lady" entry above. Waiting on more photos to be developed — should have them tomorrow night.
I survived the Sex Week at Yale "Sex and Spirituality" panel! Details and photos to come tomorrow, as my hotel's Net connection is bad right now. Thanks for your prayers!
I know I've been heavy on the prayer requests lately, but I really need them today as I leave for two days of appearances during Sex Week at Yale.
Please pray for me and for those who attend both evenings' events, especially tonight's "Sex and Spirituality" panel.
In particular, I would be grateful if you would pray that God arm me with spiritual armor, giving me the wisdom and strength to speak the truth in love.
Thanks very much! Will post from New Haven as time permits; returning on Tuesday.
Got one more wonderful testimonial from my Georgetown talk last week, this one from the Protestant co-sponsor:
"We so appreciated the evening of the Dawn Eden talk and the ensuing discussion. Dawn has a way of getting at the heart of a very important issue — chastity — without shame or embarrassment, and yet she speaks in a way that is winsome and gentle. Especially encouraging was her charge for us to consider ourselves (i.e. the chaste) as today's 'radicals'! This gave our students some excitement to think of themselves as part of a movement.
"We also found the conversation afterwards very beneficial. The large group Q & A time was edifying, and the breaking into small groups was such a great idea too, since students were able to be more honest with their struggles and personal questions with fewer people listening in.
"I would like to see Dawn's ministry increase far and wide. Let's start a radical movement!"
— Kevin Offner, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Grad Staff, Washington, D.C. Area Universities
If you agree that the Church should bring back men in black, check out Father Damian J. Ference's article for U.S. Catholic and make sure to vote in the poll at the end.
